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Stop Being Mean…To Yourself

In my last blog, I mentioned that guilt involved some component of judging ourselves too harshly. (If you missed this blog, read it here: Why So Much Guilt?.) A common theme that I’m seeing more and more in clients is this self-judgement/self-criticism. People beat themselves up for almost anything these days.

I cannot say for sure what is causing so much self-hatred, self-condemnation or self-abuse, but here are some educated guesses:

  • Too much exposure to social media, leading us to compare ourselves to others
  • Too much pressure to succeed in this fast-paced world
  • Too many unrealistic expectations (or believing the lies of others)
  • Not letting go of past hurts and/or programming from our childhood/youth
  • A culture that revolves around food being everywhere, all the time, yet yearns to be fit and trim
  • People thinking multi-tasking is a good thing (hint: it’s not!)
  • Making things too complicated rather than living a simpler life
  • People have lost a sense of who they really are

It is so much harder to make healthier choices when you are being mean to yourself. It is infinitely more difficult to have a positive attitude when, internally, you have negative self-talk.

We tell our kids to be nice to each other. So why can’t we be nice to ourselves?

We can.

You just have to switch your mindset.  (Here’s something that can help: Mindset Mastery)

Imagine your neighbor has an 8-year-old daughter that just fell off her bike in your driveway. Do you run out and yell at her? Do you tell her she’s stupid and should have known better? Do you call her names and shout cuss words at her?  OF COURSE NOT! (At least most of us wouldn’t.)

Instead, we would run out to her, be really concerned, comfort her, check if she’s okay, be gentle and kind to her, help her up, maybe bring her in to get some Band-Aids for her scraped knees and a glass of water to sip. Then we’d walk her back home to make sure she got there safely.

So here’s the thing…YOU still have an 8-year-old inside you! It’s the part that still needs kindness, gentleness, encouragement, support and love. (We ALL need these things.) As you would never yell at your neighbor’s 8-year-old child, then why would you yell (internally) at yourself?

The next time you “catch” yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself or doing self-denigration, take a moment and stop. Go within and access that 8-year-old part of you. Maybe place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath and gently remind yourself to be kind and gentle with yourself.

Practice treating yourself with loving care. You may discover that this works WAY better than the old self-punishing way.

Until next time,

Connie Kvilhaug, Cert. Hypnotist &
NLP Trainer, EFT Practitioner